nuclear family

by eli aranda

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this album was made about moms, dads, suicide, drug abuse, loneliness, love, idolization, and trying your hardest to stay hopeful


released August 26, 2013

i want to thank jayden and scott for listening to every demo i ever sent their way, for loving me when i couldn't love myself, and never giving up on me

thank you to everyone who ever supported me, whether it was through encouragement, promoting my music, or even just listening to it and feeling any sort of connection

thanks to tayler for the artwork
thanks to declan for letting me put his face on the album




eli aranda Portland, Oregon

i write about important things, especially the unimportant things

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Track Name: a scratch
i can't stand up on my own
i'm too hot, then too cold
the seeds were unerringly sewn
i was young, and now i'm old

the skins dry and it's crying out
but i can't choke the water down
a permanent apology
i've always been, will always be

we've had this talk before
but i had mine, and you had yours
i know how the story goes
i've gone far, but can't go more.

f c e f c f c e
Track Name: back here
teeth marks on the plastic pick i’m always chewing on
a telephone that i dont use except to call my mom
she says she’s worried that i can’t move on

my best friends sister has been passing out an awful lot
i find her sleeping in the bathtub, lips coated in spit, coated in snot
i can’t bear to tell her brother that we’re back here again

and i have no lips
i have no mouth
i have no tongue

i have no mother
i have no father
i have no god
i have no one

i am an isolated incident
i am an isolated incident
i am an isolated incident
i am an isolated incident

f dm a#

a# am dm

a# f

a# dm
Track Name: waste
she’s always fixing her hair
she’s got a ten yard stare
she’s always glancing at the bathroom
for an excuse to check her phone again
she’s thinner than can be healthy,
and the way she says my name makes me want to die

i’m not trying to fix you
i’m trying real hard not to peek
do you want to go for a walk?
do you want to sit in the dark and not speak?

i’ve known her for four days
in every single way she seems better than me
inky black eyes will cut you down to size
i think i’m starting to worship the air she sighs

i know she’s just a girl
but i’ve never talked about anything to anyone before
i know i’m setting myself up to fall
but i don’t mind
you can tie my hands behind my back
and tell me all the ways i’m nothing but a doll to you

i dont want to go to waste

capo on 2nd

bm g d f#m
g d bm a
Track Name: ex-boyfriend
(im really sorry)
Track Name: all right
stab myself in the leg where the artery goes
interlocked with another puzzle piece under my clothes
and my blue jeans fuse to the doubt that i use
as a washer between myself and the fear of bad news

i hold my head underwater and make believe
mark my skin with a chlorine sheen
the pool boy curse put on me
can i be done now? can i be done now?

Tick tock went the clock and the whole world sighed
Another stupid kid cutting warning signs
And I’m sorry that I cant get over anything at all
in the same spot now that I was last fall

Everything looks different when I’m standing on my head
And I’ll never feel full without someone in my bed
And the sky looks darker than it ever has before
The spot you took my breath away has turned into a sore

Maybe I’ll never be alright
Maybe I’ll never be alright
Your cold fingers on my waistband, and I suck in tight
Maybe I’ll never be alright

c f am7 am7/g

f c am7 am7/g
Track Name: self esteem
i’m counting toys that i owned as a kid
because i’ve got nothing else to do
and it’s one in the morning, and i miss you

everyone else is better than me
at everything worth doing

my lips are cracked, i’m getting mad
that i’ve never ever broken a bone
i’ve only got one scar, and it’s on my left arm, it’s from a burn, does that count?

everyone would rather do anything
with anyone else but me

i really need to brush my teeth more
but the bed is so inviting
she’s a temptress, she’ll ask me and then spend all night hiding

everyone has a scar, on their stomach
and nobody seems to mind
every single person alive, has a heart that’s pumping blood
but not mine. not mine.

capo on 3rd

c am7 am7/g f

f c g
Track Name: not at all
bite my lip, but i won’t hold my tongue
you were my mom
and i am your son
talk about, don’t talk about me
i am a beating heart
tired, and held in place
by two outdated parts
talk about, don’t talk about me

d g f#/d em
g bm a